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The Fine Print: Let's talk about tees!

How to Defeat 80’s Arcade Game Villains Using Just a T-Shirt

The movie Pixels is coming out this weekend and we started to think how the movie premise is extraordinary and unusual. Of course for us it’s always about the t-shirt. While there are no t-shirts in Centipede, Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, and Space Invaders, you can bet every kid that played those games back in the day was wearing one. We’re going to get really creative and show you how t-shirts can help you win in every one of those games and as this movie promises, save the world from certain doom!

T-Shirts vs. Pac-Man

In the original game, the good guy WAS Pac-Man but in Pixels, Pac-Man actually becomes the adversary. So to defeat Pac-Man you have to switch roles and become the red, pink, blue, and orange ghosts known as Blinky. Pinky, Inky and Clyde. First off, you definitely don’t want to be wearing a white t-shirt because if Pac-Man gobbles you up, you’re going to make Pac-Man invincible for a few seconds while he wreaks havoc on all your gamer buddies.

Assuming you’ve got your friends with you, you’ll need your friend wearing a red t-shirt to give chase while you’re brave friends wearing pink and blue position themselves in front of Pac-Man. Your friend in the orange t-shirts is going to play offense too. The best possible strategy is to wear a screen printed glow-in-the-dark shirt with eyes and trick Pac-Man into thinking you’ve already died and hit him when he’s least expecting it.

T-Shirts vs. Donkey Kong

Although arguably one of the hardest of the early 80’s arcade games, with a t-shirt, this one is easy. With a few t-shirts tied together Mario can create a rope to easily drop down from levels to pick up any missed items for Pauline and also grab the hammers to power up and defeat Donkey Kong.

T-Shirts vs. Centipede

Another easy one when equipped with a 6XL t-shirt, a 33” piece of cardboard, masking or electrical tape and few wire hangers. Cut the twisted end of the hangers off. Wrap the cardboard in tape for stability, cross the hangers together to form an X, tape together in the middle. Poke holes through the four corners of the box, slip the wire hanger ends through. Bend about ½” of the wire hanger back under the bottom of the cardboard and fortify the connection with tape. Carefully slip the t-shirt over the armature with the neck hole facing horizontal. Voila, you’ve just made yourself a t-shirt tent to protect you as you shoot down Centipede.

T-Shirts vs. Space Invaders

We’re going to need a t-shirt cannon for this one, preferably one like The Philadelphia 76ers unveiled in 2012 which resembled a Gatling Gun using compressed CO2 to pack the punch. The t-shirt cannon’s ammo is tightly rolled t-shirts, (seriously, you do not want to be hit by one of these at point blank range.) We’re going back to 6XL’s here too because we want the biggest punch. We’ve got about 100 feet vertical reach so this gives us a big advantage to destroy the Invaders when they first appear and keep hammering on those defense bunkers.

So there you have it, yet another series of scenarios where t-shirts really can help to save the world.


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